Magic and the Art of the Vulnerability Hangover

I've been sober for too long.

Teetotaling at the keyboard, I have been poring out zero-proof stories and phrases that were heavy on the garnish and weak on the hard stuff.

Light, inspirational, and totally safe to share with everyone I've ever met, including my eight year-old and my beloved ninety-five year old grandfather. 

This is all rather funny since I definitely cane of age in a family that values fine wine, quality scotch, and lots of conversation.

Well, certain kinds of conversation.

Wild, creative, magic-fueled, mystery school infused, feminist storytelling and truth telling... that's not really ever been part of family gatherings. (Frankly, it would be way too weird if it was.)

But, that stuff that's not suitable for the Father's Day barbecue has always been part of my inner world.

And, in so many fabulous ways, that feisty magic is part of my conversations with my "unicorns" - my writing coaching and story healing clients and the women in my Sovereign Writers Circle.

Easy to say, not so easy to put on the page...

It's felt OK to get real once I know "I am with my people."

But I was never even willing to admit that I was too scared to share my real shadows and my most blinding light with people who are looking to me for a big smile and a bit of "don't worry, this party is totally safe and happy!"

The truth was watered down before it even made the leap from thought to keyboard. I was way too good at playing my own editing game.

Back to me, teetotaling at the keyboard and offering minimal-impact, cleverly edited phrases that were intended to keep everything feeling... nice.

Yesterday, after months of frantic journaling, hard conversations with trusted mentors and healers, and a whole lot of self-recrimination and disorientation,  I finally allowed those pretty little lies and sins of omission to rock me to my core. 

It was a revelation that had been a loooooong time coming, and I pressed record as it flowed out of me.

And then I released a video that I called Magic, and the Fear That This Is All There Is.

My eyes are wet with tears at the beginning, but my voice grows stronger toward the middle before fading out again at the end.

I was a nervous wreck about it last night (dear gods, I sent it to my list!), but I kept pressing share, daring people to hear me, daring the world to pay attention to a narrative that was my heart's poetry, all spiked with doubt and hope and fear.

And this morning I awoke with one hell of a vulnerability hangover.

I am in the business of asking people to trust me as a group leader leader, a magic maker, a story healer. People pay me their hard earned money so I can help them find the truth in their experiences, the meaning in their work, and the clarity in their message. 

And here I am, talking about screaming into the void and naming what it feels like to live and work in this beautiful, accursed, fucked up, goddess blessed digital realm.

Right now, I am encouraging people to find their wild creative magic in the #7MagicWords Project that starts next week, and yet, I show up all misty eyed as I tell you I am so sure of myself, and yet so empty of hope. As I tell you that I long to believe in the magic and the mystery but everyday must fight the demons of "this is all there is."

I've been sober for too long. I've been well-edited and well-behaved.

I've need to drink deep of my own medicine - especially if I am going to create an experience for anyone that promises to help access wild, creative magic and tell the stories that set you free.

I need to strip down and tell you the truth about all the ways I have been tamed and have willingly corseted myself in polite tea party stories you could share with all the genteel company.

It's the only way I could actually offer you an ounce of wild magic worth conjuring.

(Even if the Magic Maker at the helm is an imperfect, wild woman writer in progress who needs to drink deep her own medicine, let's see where these seven days will take us, yes?)

Two Writing Prompts: The Sources of Silence and Guidance

We just held a free Community Writing Practice session, and the buzz in that space was palpable (even though were were spread across time zones and were "only" connected by video, voice, and creative energy).

I wanted to be sure you had a chance to experience this magic too...  

I invite you to set a timer and write in the prompts below. We gave ourselves 20 minutes for each, and, of course, you're encouraged to just keep going if the muse whispers "please don't stop."

As I told the gathering, I develop these prompts and create the space to practice because I know that writing practice is a gift and one that I want to offer up to as many people as I can as often as I can.

It's also a taste of the work and play that happens when the Sovereign Writers Circle members come together six times a month.

We're accepting applications now. New members are welcomed into the circle on the first of the month.

Prompt 1: The Sources of Silence

Humans need comfort and company, but we also need stillness and silence - especially when we’re diving within and trying to find the words that will carry us along the creative journey.

And yet, “to be silenced” can cause such great suffering.

You’re invited to sit with this whole idea of silence and look into both its shadows and its light…

Who or what has silenced you and made you doubt that you're a channel for truth?

And what about the nurturing sort of silence that you create for yourself? How does it feel and what do you do to enter that sort of creative, potential-filled silence?

Prompt 2: Ask the Guides

The creative journey can feel like a lonely one, but it doesn’t have to be. Yes, it’s up to you to sit with yourself and put words on the page, but the entire universe is conspiring to help you find them…

Guidance, whispers of intuition, and secrets hiding in plain sight are awaiting you all the time. This is your chance to remember them and set an intention to stay tuned in.

When you’re out in nature, on the meditation cushion, or immersed in prayer, what do you hear? What messages have come through recently?

What members of your circle guide you along the way? You may want to write about the mentors, friends, or even children who show you the way.

You Don't Have to Call Yourself a Writer

If you receive the emails I send to my list every week or so and you're someone who tends to make your way to the very end of each note, you'll know I close my messages with a variation on "the writer in me sees the writer in you."

And, if we know each other a bit better and, say, have a had a chance to have a first chat about the story you'd like to tell and the message you'd like to share, we might have discussed a very important question:

Do you consider yourself a writer?

Many people I talk to - including many of the Sovereign Writers Circle members, actually - do not consider themselves to be writers.

When I hear that, I tend to smile and nod and say "I totally understand, but let's keep that an open question, ok?"

In truth, I believe that everyone who dares to pick up a pen to record their thoughts is a writer. 

It's an act of courage to meet yourself on the page, and that's what earns you the title of "writer" - not publication creds or an impressive daily word count.

When I say I see the writer in you, I hope to inspire you to see you as I see you, to give you a moment step back and have your potential mirrored back at you.

My offerings are for writers and not-yet-writers

As much as I believe in the writer waiting to be discovered within you, I understand that imposing an identity upon you may feel like a burden rather than a gift. And so I just want you to know that I honor the "I write but cannot be a writer" inside of you too.

That not-yet-a-writer within you, the one who is full of longing and doubt and hope... that's who I would like to see at the free community writing practice session on Wednesday, May 23 at noon ET.

All you need to do is bring a journal and your favorite pen. During our hour together I'll offer a few writing prompts and tips for how to approach writing practice if you're new to it. I'll also offer some ideas that will help you create a relationship with the page even when we're not sitting down to write together.

To attend or to receive the recording so you can practice on you own, just click the button.

The Why and the Where of Everything You Write

Maybe you’re fresh from a journey, a conference, or some kind of life changing experience and you know you’ve got something to write about.

Fabulous.

Now, it might seem like the next step would be relatively simple, right? After all, finding the inspiration and having your “this story must be told!” moment is what creativity and marketing are all about, isn’t it? You’ve climbed the mountain, met your idol, gotten up on the stage… You know you’ve got mind blowing raw material to draw from and you’re excited to put it on the page.

All you have to do is write, edit, and push publish, and this time it'll feel easy. Since you’re so excited to tell your community - hell, you’d tell the whole wide world if you’d get them to listen - you are not even going to start scrolling through pictures of other people’s vacations when you should be writing. You are just going to follow the rush of feeling and do it.

Great! So, let’s say you do get the writing done and describe the stunning scene, the dramatic moments, and the soul-opening takeaways… You make the sentences sing and are sure you haven’t confused your “its” and “it’s.” This baby is ready for her debut.

You’re about to copy and paste and format it on your blog (and you’re so proud of this story that you don’t even care that your blog platform randomly inserts spaces and refuses to accept the header formatting!), but then you pause a moment…

When you look at your recent posts - some of which you really like, some you barely remember creating -  you start to notice something. This new jewel of an essay you’re about to put beside them… It just doesn’t fit.

It’s like trying to wear a diamond tiara with your favorite hiking boots. This piece describes a peak moment from your life, and it just doesn’t seem want to live next to the rest of these quality, workaday posts.

You’re disappointed and surprised. This post just about wrote itself and it’s coded with so much magic and truth. It describes the feelings that you wish your clients could feel, and you know that it’s delivered with the sort of humility and grace that would allow them to see the possibilities for themselves.

How could a piece you loved writing, a story about something so meaningful and powerful suddenly ring hollow? You were writing about a moment when you felt so at home in your skin, your life, and your work. How could it possibly feel like a square peg in a round hole?

A place for post, every post in its place: on finding the right platform for your writing

This whole “I did the amazing thing and wrote about it in ways that made my heart sing” experience? I just had that: my eight year-old and I got back from Ireland last week.

Now, if you follow me anywhere online, you probably know that. Of course, there’s one glaring exception: if you know me through my main home on the web, this website of mine, you wouldn’t have any idea that we made this trip.  

Based on my past blog posts and my education you might have gathered that the country is important to me, but Irish literature and Celtic myths are not exactly super central to my work as a writing coach and a story healer.

And yet, this journey back to my heart’s true home, back to the country I hadn’t visited in fifteen long years: it’s going to be fundamental to the way I look at my personal goals, my long term professional vision, and it will surely shift and shape the stories I use for some time.

The yearning to share these stories here on my blog is very real… Now what?

The future of every story rests in its “why”

I’ve come back with a heart full of revelations and have spent the last week filling my journal with reflections on the practical, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions of returning to my favorite corner of the planet.

This 10 day trip could launch a thousand blog posts… Most of those wouldn’t have any place at marisagoudy.com, but they desperately want to live somewhere, and I need to be persistent and systematic enough to figure out where.

And so, I set up a set of criteria for myself that will help me determine the “what’s the why” of each story, both those I have already scrawled in my journal and those that are still aching to be put into words.

I invite you to try these potential categories yourself and to use them as a jumping off point to create your own system that fundamentally ask what is the “why” of this piece of writing?

• To savor and record the experience: The veteran journal keepers amongst us (especially those who studied history and have lost themselves in their literary hero(in)e’s journals) will understand the power of simply writing that stuff down in a way that will allow you to go back to who you who you were and what you saw. You may be called to work on these stories for your own personal satisfaction and you might even be thinking of your legacy.

• To show love for your current community: As a modern digital entrepreneur who lives a great deal of your life out loud online, you’ve created some expectations in your community. You share the photos on Instagram of the trip or the big event and the people who adore you and invest money in your services and interest in your story really do want to know more. Telling stories is how you sustain and deepen relationships so “I’ve been watching you” turns into “can we set up a time to talk?”

• To create new connection and increase visibility based on shared interests: What makes you unique, as an individual and also as a transformation professional? There may be dozens of therapists, healers, and coaches who have comparable skills and ideal client profiles, but no one else has your story, your adventures. Show more of you and you’ll help people see themselves working with you.
  
  (In my case, I can only guess at how sharing photos of the Wild Atlantic Way and brand new Irish lambs might cause ripples that call in clients who need me to help them find the words and find the way.)

• To discover what’s really on your mind and seed the next big project: So many brilliant writers say something like this: I write in order to understand what I really think. When you can dive into a piece of writing without an agenda beyond “I wish to understand” and “please reveal the next step” you will surprise yourself and give yourself permission to go deeper than you ever imagined. That book you long to write will only get written if you give yourself permission to discover what wants to be in it, right?

And then comes the all important follow-up question when you know why a story wants to be written: where does it want to live?

As I said, there are so many stories that need to be told, but just not right here.

Being choosy and saying “this piece in this place” is a matter of creating focused platforms that speak to specific audiences. This kind of discernment sets expectations for the readers and keeps them coming back because they know you’re serving up something they know they want.

Yeah, that does sound like a mouthful of marketing speak, but it’s not just about playing the digital game: this sort of focus is good and necessary for you as a writer.

When you are clear on what details to include, what ideas to emphasize, and what to expect from all that hard work you do to write and promote a pieces of writing becomes a lot more fulfilling.

In my case, there are four main options when it comes to where I’ll post certain types of stories and content:

• The professional blog that sells the services that I am currently offering and uses my stories to teach you about writing.

• The guest posts I’ll share on other blogs and articles I’ll submit to other sites. (This is where I’ll introduce myself to communities that I know share my passions: creativity, spirituality, motherhood…)

• The Medium site that I haven’t quite decided how to make best use of. (‘Til now - now, I realize it’s where I’m going to dive more deeply into the magical Celtic faery goddess side of me.)
  
  UPDATE: I realized that I didn't need to tend another online property. You can read the poetry that's bubbling up from the said magical Celtic faery goddess side of me here.

• The book project that’s somewhere between a memoir and a guide to finding your own inner Sovereignty Goddess. (The seeds of this book were planted when I was a young, reckless maiden living in Ireland in 1999 and are coming into full flower as I reflect on purposefully returning there as a wise, wild mother this year.)

Essentially, it becomes a exercise in matching the why and the where and letting those become the container that hold your re-writing and editing process after you have created the basic story.

These questions really do become easier to ask once you have some practice. In the Sovereign Writers Circle, I invite members to find the why and the where of everything they write.

We welcome new members at the start of each month. Would you consider joining the online group of healers, therapists, coaches, and transformation professionals who seek to write and share the stories that matter?

This Is Why We Write: Past, Present, and Future

This morning, my four year-old stood at my closet door, holding open a little pink purse, her eyes full of expectation. I was rooting through my bag of scarves, looking of one that could do the job. I knew it the second I saw the wrinkled amber colored silk.

The magic of this faded scrap of fabric could only work on you if you’re a preschooler who trusts your mother’s magic or if you’re someone who trusts in the power of writing down our stories.

First, why am I digging up relics from the bottom of the closet on this particular Monday morning? Easy: I need to cast a spell…

My older daughter and I are about to board a plane to Ireland. My little one will find her way through the next ten days with her daddy and grandparents, and I know it’s going to be wonderful and hard for all of them depending on the day, depending on the hour. Right now, we’re creating a magical toolkit, a little bag of comfort and distraction that will remind her that this is a temporary adventure and that we’ll all be together again soon.

And what better way to connect us than this silk scarf that found its way into my life on September 5, 1999. This was a particularly stormy late summer day on the Dingle Peninsula in County Kerry and our ferry to the Blasket Islands was cancelled due to the weather. My roommate and I explored the shops. I bought this scarf for my hair from a place that smelled on incense and looked something like a hippy shop back in Boston.

I'm known for having an uncanny memory (except for when I forget things completely thanks to nearly a decade of maternal sleep deprivation), but I wouldn't have known the exact date I visited that wild corner of Ireland without my journal. It has been years since I looked back at my once compact, perfect handwriting to read back on all the ways I unfurled and retreated, transformed and reworked what I knew it meant to become myself and chase my desires.

In that entry from 1999, I was a twenty year-old who found myself living the first moments of my wildest dream, a year in Ireland to explore and study, drink and smoke, recover from breaking someone’s heart and have my own heart broken by someone else in the bargain. I recorded my explorations to savor them hours and days later.  I never could have imagined the mother who'd unearth that black book and would use its stories to soothe her little girl.

This is the magic of writing, the way it becomes a telephone line across decades and helps make sense of life today.

Maybe you have a stack of old, full from margin-to-margin journals tucked into a desk drawer as I do. Maybe they’re full of candy wrappers, dried flowers, and scraps of paper scrawled with old a name and phone number that makes you blush at the thought of nights you almost forget. Maybe you have roadmaps that take you to the heart of memory and help you navigate this unexpected life that you live today.

Or, perhaps you never thought of yourself a writer and never gave yourself time to record much of anything at all. You might be someone who has believed in burning old notebooks in order to release the pain and claim the future. Maybe those old journals just seemed like a way to cope and you lost track of them since you never considered going back to your own ancient history might be the surest way to grow right now.

Whether you have a library of your own scribbled thoughts or you’ve never kept a diary in your life, it doesn’t matter. What matters is whether you can give yourself permission to start writing today.

That's me on the Aran Islands off the coast of Galway in September of 1999 and yes, I am wearing the "magic scarf."

You might begin writing because you wish the version of you who was doing amazing things in 1999 had left you a few notes about how she really felt. You might write today so the people you love and care for in 2039 will understand who you were once upon a time.

Most importantly, I invite you to write because of who you are right this minute. Write because pulling your ideas, your fears, and your hopes through the filter of the written word can change the ways you view the past, the future, and this very real present moment.

Do you find it hard to give yourself the chance to write? Are you longing for an excuse? Please join us for a free community practice session this week or at the end of the month when I’m back from Ireland with a new journal full of stories.

We’re holding two free community writing practice session this April. The first is one on Wednesday, April 11 and the second is on Friday, April 27, both at noon ET. Come to one or both. Expect a new set of writing prompts at each one hour gathering.