What It Takes To Put Your Healing Work Into Words

There’s a part of what you do that’s beyond, beneath, and before the bounds of language.

As a healer, you know that the color, the sensation, the texture of an emotion carries meaning that the English language often can’t begin to touch.

If you’re a coach, you know your clients’ success doesn't just depend on a clear to-do list. Instead, results flow out of that combination of energy, attention, and devotion that runs deeper than even the most comprehensive, well-articulated plan.

And, if you’re a therapist whose work is based on talking through thoughts and problems, you know there’s something you do that transcends words. As you hold space in the silences between thoughts you create the invisible bonds of relationship that allows the healing to happen.

Your work transcends words, and yet is bound by words

The transformational work you do often feels impossible to describe. It has to be experienced to truly be understood.

I get that, I do. I have walked beside hundreds of transformation professionals - healers, therapists, coaches, and spiritual teachers - and there’s almost always a moment when language can’t quite express the magic you access or the ways you serve and touch the people who need what you do.

And yet...

If you have the power to change lives, you have the power to say how

So, how do we do that?

We tell stories 

Storytelling is, in itself, a magical act. 

When you tell a story, you’re taking the raw materials of your experiences, struggles, and worries and turning them into narratives that speak truth and spread wisdom. 

That’s a powerful transformation. That’s alchemy. 

And, from experience, I can tell you that turning your pain into healing stories is more valuable (and reliable) than turning lead into gold.

Join the Alchemy of Story:
A free training for transformation professionals
September 21, 2020 at 7 PM ET

Stories matter to me because I am a lover of myth and fiction. 

Stories also matter to me because I have been helping healers, therapists, and coaches promote their businesses for over a decade.

Copywriting and marketing strategy are important, but nothing is as enduring and meaningful as the stories you tell and the bigger story at the heart of your work.

Let’s explore your stories and talk about what makes a story work in the next free training I’m offering, The Alchemy of Story.

During our 90 minutes together you’ll have a chance to uncover the stories you most need to tell and learn what makes a story of transformation work.

Listen Deep, Speak True: On Being a White Writer Writing About Race

It is a time to listen, and it is not a time to shut up.

It is always a time to listen. It’s never a time to shut up.

Ok, sometimes it’s a good idea to just stop talking, but let’s meet here as writers, storytellers, and people who wish to heal with their words. Let’s meet as writers who are trying to write about race.

Specifically, at this moment, I am a white writer and storyteller speaking to other white writers who want to use their words to heal the wounds, both ancient and brand new, caused by institutionalized racism and this white supremacist culture.

As a writer, it’s never the right time to mute yourself

You write to know what you think. You write to discover the deeper feelings that lie beneath your immediate reactions. You write to decode those feelings so you can dissolve emotionality and get to a truth that exists before and after your conditioning, your worry, your fear of what others think.

Damn. We need that more than ever right now.

Now is the time to keep writing, to keep delving, to keep looking for the story that informs the story you tell yourself about “the way things are.” 

That opens us to the next question… is this a time to share your words with the world?

That’s an entirely different question.

Or is it?

Right now, our country (and the world) mourns the deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and so many Black lives, and takes to the streets to protest police violence. It is time of deep listening, deep introspection, and direct action.

You may well need to pull back, to make more room for quiet contemplation, for long reading sessions, and even longer journaling sessions.

Do those things privately, and allow this inner work to influence your public discourse.

It is not the time to fall silent, change the subject, or to utterly disappear - especially if you are someone who has an online presence and a community that is accustomed to looking to you for insight, inspiration, and information. 

(And if you’re thinking that you don’t want to mix “politics” with your professional work, I invite you to think even longer and harder about how the privilege of white identity gives you that option.)

But… I thought I was just supposed to listen?

When I talk about this urge to fall silent, change the subject, or disappear into the audience, I speak of it as a white woman who knows all too well that sense of, “I know I am going to say the wrong thing, so I am just going to shut up.”

Though I have spent the last few years reading and listening to Black writers and trying to do the work of understanding my own whiteness and interrogating the racism that was baked into me in our white supremacist culture, I have generally stayed quiet about it. 

Yes, I was afraid of doing it wrong and showing my ignorance. I admit I have been repelled by “hey, white people!” posts by white colleagues and acquaintances, and swore I wouldn’t be so awkward and sanctimonious.

(The jury is still out on that one, of course. Some of those posts might have actually been performative and legitimately obnoxious. Some surely just cut too close to the bone and caused me to put up my defenses and strike out with judgement. Silent judgement.)

Instead, I decided I would (quietly) be the change and model anti-racist thought rather than lecture and shame people into looking at themselves.

(The jury is still out on whether I have done a good job of addressing my privilege in my writing, or whether I have been avoiding tough conversations and burying the conversation about race and the need for racial equity beneath other ideas I feel more comfortable writing and talking about.)

All of this is to say, I know what it is to awaken, to be outraged, to be uncomfortable, to start thinking deeply, and then to look up and realize I have so much to say but so much trepidation about whether it’s mine to say.

But what if the only way through is through conversation?

As Robin DiAngelo, author of White Fragility says in an article titled “Nothing to Add: A Challenge to White Silence in Racial Discussions”:

…in practice, my silence colludes with racism and ultimately benefits me by protecting my white privilege and maintaining racial solidarity with other white people.

I understand the urge to watch and listen and tell yourself you still have too much to learn. The only way to evolve in terms of your understanding of white supremacy is to look deep within, after all. But remember… You’re not doing all that observing and learning to become some enlightened being bound by an oath of peaceful silence.

You do the work of awakening and inner (r)evolution so that you can make meaningful changes and be part of the bigger conversation.

It’s Always Both/And

Wednesday, in a town hall conversation offered by the My Brother’s Keeper organization, President Obama said: 

I've been hearing a little bit of chatter on the Internet about voting versus protest, politics and participation versus civil disobedience and direct action. This is not an 'either or' — this is a 'both and' — to bring about real change we both have to highlight a problem and make people in power uncomfortable.

Now is the time to listen. And, it is the time to speak. Even when it makes you uncomfortable. Especially because it makes those are comfortable with the white supremacist status quo uncomfortable.

To begin, speak to the pages of your own journal. Then, speak to friends who are trying to do this inner work and to change the way they move through the world.

Throughout… listen. Follow Black journalists and support Black activists, authors, and artists. (Here’s a strong collection of resources.)

Next, use your online spaces to share and amplify Black voices. (And I dare you: can you go deeper than quotes by Martin Luther King, Jr. and Maya Angelou? Those are powerful and important, of course, but can you go on a quest to find new, lesser known lines and learn from their context?)

And, as your reading progresses and you start to turn listening into understanding, frame Black creators’ art, thoughts, and resources with a statement about why this matters and what you hope to achieve by sharing. 

Throughout… listen. Understand that you may not be praised for doing this work. You may not get likes or shares. You might get pushback and attract the trolls (both the unknown monsters and those people from high school).

Listen to your own breathing and to your own strong inner voice that knows you’re not doing this for accolades or attention. You are not doing this to build your brand, to score points in some “good white people” contest (there’s not such thing), or because you’ll say something new.

You are listening and learning and writing and putting your words out there because you must be part of the rising anti-racist tide.

Silence is complicity. Your voice has a place in this moment.

When you build the courage and the muscle to not only click share but also to speak about why this matters, why you know Black Lives Matter, you’re helping to shift the narrative.  White supremacy needs to be dismantled, brick by brick, word by word, by white people who perpetuate it and benefit from it.

Listen well and remember that hundreds of years of white silence got us here.

Dare to be part of the BLM conversation and keep getting braver about addressing systemic inequity and oppression. Not because it’s all about you and not because it’s trending, but because your voice matters and you must take the risk and be part of the mix if you’re going to part of the healing and renewal this society needs so desperately right now.

Meet Yourself On the Page: Write a Thank You Note to the Shadow

Writing is healing when you dare to meet yourself on the page. All you need to do is find a way to drop your armor and hush the inner critic.

Hmm... easier said than done. But where do you begin?

This week’s invitation for healers, creatives, writers, and would-like-to-be writers: Try writing a thank you note to the shadow.

Something surprising happens when you use the well-known format of a thank you note to dive into the hardest parts of your own story. The framework holds you at first and then it frees you to say what you really need to say.

You can write a thank you letter to a person who hurt you. You’re not thanking them for their abuse, but you might be thanking them for the new ways you were able to grow as you healed.

In this latest Writing & Magic Making video I tell you a little bit about the experience of writing a thank you note to a loved one’s addiction. It was hard and it was necessary and it was the only way I could uncover what I really was feeling.

And be sure to sign up and mark your calendars for the next free community writing practice session that’s happening on Thursday, November 29 at noon ET.

How to write what you know when it hurts too much to talk about in public

Do you keep a journal?

The Gifts of the Regular Writing Practice for the Person & Professional That You Are

A regular writing practice is good medicine. Writing keeps you going through times of frustration and confusion. When you fall into the rhythm of your own words you can keep fear and loneliness at bay… at least for a little while.

As you make and keep writing dates with yourself, you become stronger. You get to know what you really think and how you really feel.

And, if you’re a lifelong diarist, if you ever need to do research on something like what true love’s first kiss feels like, you have exclusive access to a primary resource. (Or at least I do, but that’s another story!)

If you’re a professional in the transformation business who wants to change some corner of the universe with your ideas, a writing practice helps you become the person who not only thinks brilliant thoughts, but who also changes lives with them.

Your Journal Has Some Secret Gifts to Share with You

As someone who has carried around a journal since shortly after I learned to use a pen, I figured I knew every trick in the blank book of personal writing, but then I met Monica Kenton of the Spiritual Innovation Lab and she revealed a secret that every journal keeper must know:

Use your own journal as a book of answers. When you’re stuck and seeking guidance, ask the greatest authority on your life: yourself. Think about what you need to know and then open your journal to a random page.

Monica shared that idea last month in a workshop at Camp GLP (the most wonderfullest gathering for creatives and entrepreneurs EVER!). I’d forgotten about this magic trick until now. But, as I sit on my front porch, trying to force out a blog post in a few stolen moments while I try to tear myself away from the latest headlines, I realize that I just might have access to exactly what I need to write for you today.

We all break that “write what you know” rule sometimes, and then...

Seeking a taste of my own wisdom, I flip to a random page of an old journal.

Only July 17, 2016 I was up at 5 AM and feeling simultaneously filled up and emptied out by motherhood. Mothers of young children are creatures of the dawn, so I’ve seen the day from this angle countless times, but this wasn’t always the case.

That morning, I scrawled:

In high school, I wrote a story about a world trapped in the eerie half-light of dawn. It was fantasy - and not only because it featured druids and all sorts of enchantment. In truth, I wasn’t all that sure what dawn looked like. Sure, I got up in the dark to catch the bus, but I was too busy putting together my mid-90s flannel ensembles to look out the window.

At sixteen, I was breaking that rule that begs to be broken: write what you know.

Who can blame me? When you’re just desperate for something to happen to you, it seems like all you know are curfews and boys who just don’t get it. It’s almost impossible to write stories when you’re inside them - especially when you think the story you’re living is too limited. As a result, I turned to the completely made up.

Here’s the thing: I think it’s possible to write what you know even if your story is full of unicorns and dragons (even if you haven’t seen one - yet.).

If that story the sixteen year-old me was actually about yearning to be kissed by "the one" and a teenager’s longing for freedom, the silver horned creatures and the weird atmospheric conditions would have been completely believable and wonderful.

Thing is, I wasn’t writing a truthful story because I wasn’t willing to live the part of it that was completely accessible every damn morning.

You wander into “fraud” territory when you write about a daily planetary event and don’t actually bother to go looking at it.

You’re out of step with authenticity when you ignore that you and your life have a part to play in the stories you tell.

Apply the “write what you know” advice in a way that supports your life and writing process

But we're not kids anymore.

So much has happened to get you to where you are - so many terrible mistakes and private joys and worrisome truths. There’s an inherent challenge embedded in “write what you know” when what you know is too private or stressful or in-process to share in public.

And, "write from the heart" is a downright punishing statement if you’re a healer or a clinician who helps people solve problems and find peace and happiness when your own daily life is full of conflict and confusion and frustration.

But what DO you write about when life is hellish and your brand is meant to offer clients hope and solace?

The sunrise.

I’m taking this 2016 journal entry literally. If you can’t write about what’s happening in daily life, you must be able to write about what it means to stand in the stillness of dawn and tune into something bigger than your dramas.

Here’s your writing prompt:

Watch the sunrise.  Why would your perfect reader/ ideal client/ the individual who needs the change you seek to be in the world benefit from experiencing the stillness of dawn?

Give yourself permission to see that sunrise through the shadows that cloud your vision, through the hopes that blur your sight, through your biases that create your perspective

Even if every writer in this community wrote their next blog post about a sunrise, we’d all write something unique and show up as OURSELVES in the page. We’d offer some specific medicine that would help our own communities of clients see themselves more clearly and heal their lives.

You're invited to show up for the display nature puts on for free every day and turn that into your own story

I invite you to get up early tomorrow. Make a cup of something hot and strong. Get yourself to a window or snuggle into your coziest robe and face east. Then, go write. Please share the link in the comments or tag me in social media so I can see this particular sunset through your eyes and the eyes of the people you're writing for.

Want more writing prompts like this one? Join the next free community writing practice call.

If Real Magic Means Real Change, Are You Ready?

There’s “real magic” in the air

We’re feeling it in the breath of spring that comes through the teeth of a nor’easter. We see it in the brave voices that speak up against the corporate lobbies and the brutal blindness of the status quo. It’s shimmering through my online conversations and through the Sovereign Writers Circle as we  explore the way magic inflects and deepens our creative and professional work.

(The talk about creative magic begins with about how to describe the "real magic" of your work. You may want to read it first. As a healer and a creative, I believe that your power relies on your “real magic,” the unspeakable something that transforms lives. I think you’ll recognize your own unspoken powers in these ideas.)

What do we really mean by “magic”?

Now, it’s one thing to talk about magic. We can discuss Wrinkle in Time and trade unicorn memes and build fairy houses together. That is very, very good medicine that we all need in our overly-serious, tragically trivial world.

And it’s another thing to sense the magic. We need to admit that there’s something beyond the everyday human perception at work, both in the little domestic miracles and the glimmers of hope that spring up around the globe.

Then it’s a whole other matter to own your magic to the degree that you can describe it and actually lead with it.

My dream for you - and for everyone you help, heal, inspire, and love -  is that you will believe, perceive, and work the magic you’ve got. And I pray that you’ll keep on seeking and deepening your connection to it too.

The magic we love… and fear

Before we go on, let’s settle on a working definition of magic. I look to the psychotherapist turned occultist and fantasy novelist Dion Fortune:  “magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.”

As you’ve gathered, I’m a lover and a student of magic. Thanks to my own healing and mystery school studies and with all the writing and consulting work I have done for therapists, healers, and coaches, I’m also a student of transformation and evolution. I’ve watched all the ways I embrace and reject change. I've observed how I chase transformation and run from it too. I’ve seen my clients thrilled by the idea of the next chapter but still stand rooted in the same old story.

As a “transformation professional” yourself,  you’ve witnessed your own process, your own game of hide and seek with transformation. You’ve seen it in client after client who is hungry for things to shift yet longs for life to stay the same.

There’s so much fear mixed into the fabulously intoxicating cocktail of change. And that’s a major reason we’re as enthralled by magic as we are repelled by it.

What if leaning into your magic means a freefall into change?

Your “real magic” ripples through all aspects of your personal, creative, and professional life, but let’s think about the work side of it here…

I sort of jumped and fell into entrepreneurship all at the same time. It felt like a choiceless choice. My mother died suddenly of a heart attack that no one saw coming. I had an eight month old baby and an academic job that drained my soul. If life was this short and unpredictable, who cares if it’s hard to pay the mortgage? I need to hold my baby, comfort my dad, and chase the joy now.

And since not working didn’t seem like an option, I cobbled together a business based on something I thought was necessary (and impossible): promoting holistic health practitioners.

In truth, I wanted to start my own energy healing business, but I was afraid I’d never clients. So, in the way that entrepreneurial illogic works, I started a business to help everyone else solve a problem I didn’t know how to solve for myself.

It was a crazy miserable journey for the first couple years. It’s probably best described as grief and motherhood with occasional bouts of freelancing. I was taking all the wrong jobs and chasing all the wrong possibilities and I was replicating the wasteland I’d experienced at my safe, salaried job with a new kind of discontent that included chronic insecurity and bizarre hours.

A wise friend who had been watching my process offered me a piece of brilliant advice: “You’ve been so unhappy doing the work you’re doing, and you’re not making the money you need and the money you’re worth. What if you tried doing what you love?”

It took years (an embarrassing number of years) to finally take that advice.

Back then, I was chronically dissatisfied and stressed and I really didn’t have much to lose since the bottom had dropped out of life. (Admittedly, in some key ways, I wasn’t completely without a foundation. I was still held by a supportive husband who made just enough to pay the basic bills - but I still made choices that made me feel empty every day.)

Why couldn’t I just make the change? Why couldn’t I make room for my magic and offer that instead of doing what I thought I “should” do?

That’s a whole other story, but I tell you about my “lost years”  to let you know that I understand how radical it seems to ask you to lead with your magic if you’re actually doing pretty well, if you’re making a living at the career you trained for

What if leaning into your magic meant taking flight into transformation?

Sometimes the call to explore your “real magic” may mean quitting the soul-sucking agency job or ditching the “pays the bills” 9 to 5 in order to truly launch your soul-defining practice.

Sometimes, the real magic is being asked to be expressed within the current paradigm. It’s about tweaking the website copy to invite the clients you truly wish to work with and axing the language that sounds like it came with the graduate school materials.

Sometimes, it’s about remembering that the “real magic” is found in the project that you work on at the edges of each day. The memoir. The children’s book. The “I have no idea what it is but it comes from the caverns and mountains of my soul” project that you know will lead you somewhere.

My clients are doing all of these because just as there are countless expressions of magic there are countless ways to make it manifest.

Your magic will change you. It will change the world. That is both a promise and a warning.

In every case, you’ll need courage. And probably unicorn memes. And novels that transport you to another world from time to time. And chocolate. And movement that connects you to your body. And probably some more chocolate.

And you may find you need companions on the journey too.

The Sovereign Writers Circle is the place to connect with magical companions, the writer-healer-creatives who will journey beside you as you ride the tides of transformation. The last window on this month’s membership closes at midnight on Sunday March 4. We’ll reopen the doors to new writers on April 1.

The Sovereignty Sessions offer you the individualized support that helps you dissolve your fear of change and channel your creative magic. You can book these any time.